Damaged
by LuckiiBeckii
Summary: Rikku is starting to confront her growing feelings for Tidus. she senses rejection, but is that what she'll get? chapter 11 is up!
1. Damaged

_A/N: I was a bit reluctant to do an FF fic because I've only played a bit of FFX-2 and read the basics of FFX. I don't thinkI know the characters well enough to call this an In character story, so for now it's OOC, unless people tell me otherwise. also meant to be a one shot, but that may also change. I'm feeling very Tikkuish today, but I love Yuna to death and don't want her to be hurt either, so I'm a little torn. for now this is a Tikku fic, even though it's a little sad...It'll probably end well however...if I ever get around to adding chapters. i really like song ficcing, so if the lyrics in between bother you...erm...sorry, but they're there to stay! Thanks for sparing this a look and hope you like! oh, and as you will see, I like the "..." a LOT so...yeah...see?_

**Damaged**

Rikku sat with her back facing the small temple on Besaid. The waves grabbed at her bare toes, just to retreat down the shore, leaving their wetness behind on the sand. The sun was setting in a wonderful cacophony of melancholy and early death, kind of like the color she expected to see when she died. When she did…She traced her fingers in the sand by her hips, troubled by her sad thoughts.

**Dreaming comes so easily…**

**Cuz it's all that I've known…**

**True love is a fairy tale**

**I'm damaged so how would I know…**

Was it because HE was back? Sure she'd been so happy for Yunie when Tidus had turned up on the beach…but not too happy.

There had been an odd kind of closure when Tidus disappeared that first time…a dream ending…If she couldn't have him…neither could Yuna…but then he'd come back…

Oh, that first time when Yuna shouted bloody murder on the gullwing bridge. The hurried huddle by the window…It was him…he was back…

Rikku stood up, brushing sand from her bottom. She started walking along the beach, her soft footfalls disturbing the sand…

**Healing comes so painfully**

**And it chills to the bone**

**Will anyone get close to me?**

**I'm damaged as I'm sure you know…**

Sure, if Rikku hadn't found him, Tidus wouldn't have ever even met Yunie, but she could cope with no credit in that area. What she couldn't really get out of her head was just how happy they'd looked. Like nothing she'd never known before. A feeling beyond her feeble attempts. Sure, everyone said she was bubbly and charismatic…but that's because before…she never thought she'd need anything more.

Being with Yunie and Paine was what made her happiest. What else was there? But of course there was a lot more…As Tidus had proven.

It kind of made her wish he'd stayed a bunch of pretty pyre flies…if only to keep away the conflicting feelings in her heart.

**I'm scared and I'm alone  
I'm ashamed  
And I need for you to know**

What a thing to think…to even think it…it made her feel scared. She kicked the sand, watching the bleeding sun on it's way down the sky. She wished just once…so many years ago, she'd told Tidus exactly what she'd felt. Sure he wouldn't have returned the feelings…but at least he'd have known, and not led her into false hope for so long…

His love for Yunie was whole and unrelenting…he saw Rikku as…a sister…a goofy Al-Bhed sister…

The thought made her curl her toes, reveling in the grit between them.

She should tell him…tell him precisely how she felt. Right now…as the sun set…

**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've  
taken away  
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me**

Rikku felt her hair stand on end. She heard footsteps…wet sloshy footsteps, like bare feet on wet sand.

"Hey Rikku! Wait up! What a sunset, huh?"

It was him…she could have sworn this was what she'd wanted a split second ago…Funny how fast desires change.

"Yeah…it's really something…" _Like you… _

"Aw shucks, I don't think I'd ever match up to the sunset no matter how dashing I may be!"

She'd said that out loud? She held her hands to her cheeks to hide the rising blush. "I didn't mean it! Oh gosh…stupid err…hormones…hehe…" she plastered on a smile.

Tidus smiled. "Keep those in check, for sure!" he put a comforting hand on her back as a freak wave came up and slapped against her calves.

This was it...now or never…

"Tidus I…I guess what I mean to say is…I see you as more then a…brother…and I'm not sure if I should…"

His soft blue eyes met her green ones. Locked forever in that gaze…she could live on that moment alone…

"Like…love?"

He'd hit the friggen nail on the head all right…Rikku looked away. "I know I shouldn't because you're Yunie's and I'd NEVER ever want to hurt her…"

Tidus chuckled. "You make me sound like she owns me!" he stopped, hand in hers.

"And she doesn't."

**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
And you can't take back what you've  
taken away  
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me**

Rikku saw all the moments pass before her eyes. When she was younger…more naiive…maybe she'd have more guts to accept what she'd be hearing in a few seconds…But rejection was something that was harder to bounce back from.

Tidus leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Rikku's cheek. He lingered by her face much more then was wont, making delightful shivers go down her back.

"It's okay to feel what you feel. Because once, I felt it too. Don't ever forget that first love. It's what sets the standard for all to come after."

He pulled away, a sympathetic look on his face.

"It's…okay? But…aren't you mad at me? I shouldn't be…I never should have said anything…"

"Why would I be mad? I love you Rikku, as a dear friend, and sometimes like a sister. But I have a feeling this is important to you…it is, right?"

Rikku tried not to cry out in protest when he released her hand.

"Yeah…very…"

"I feel like…everyone has someone they were born for. I was born for Yuna, and she was born for me, you know? Someone was born for you…and you're here waiting for him to come sweep you off your feet!"

Rikku giggled, fingering a braid.

Once again silence reigned.

"You're a good soul. A very good soul. He'll find you…someday."

**There's mending for my soul  
An ending to this fear  
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger  
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back **

Rikku felt it rising up in her throat, like an angry tempest, determined to ruin the dying sunset.

"But why can't he be you?"

**I can't go back...**

**I must go on…**

Why can't he be you?

_A/N: well, there ya go! Don't worry Tikku lovers, help is at hand! I'm concocting a chapter as we speak, lol I changed my mind already!_


	2. So I thought

_A/N: well, I'm back and still OOC...the song's by Flyleaf...ummm...yeah, a nothing chapter really, Tidus feels bad about how Rikku's feeling and stuff...I like the song a lot...reviewreview and I'll make it betterer...mwahahaha...TIKKU FOREVER!_

****

**_So I thought_**

**All your twisted thoughts free flow  
To everlasting memories  
Show soul  
Kiss the stars with me  
And dread the wait for  
Stupid calls returning us to life  
We say to those who are in love  
It can't be true 'cause we're too young  
I know that's true because so long I was  
So in love with you  
So I thought**

Rikku kept those words in her head all day…

_Why can't he be you?_

The whole time she spent with Yuna and Tidus as they got reacquainted was heart wrenching. She spent most of it thinking up all of his good qualities.

He was funny, and sincere…sensitive and kind…strong and protective…cute, and totally lovable.

But Yuna had him.

And that just tore her up inside.

**A year goes by  
And I can't talk about it  
The times weren't right  
But, I couldn't talk about it**

Paine seemed to notice Rikku's less then attentive attitude as Yuna rehashed the events of the past 2 years to Tidus who only seemed to be half listening.

"Hey, why don't we go for some air, we know all this by heart anyway." Paine said, slowly rising from her seat while looking Rikku right in the eye. She seemed to catch the hint and nodded.

Yuna observed this with a nod and kept talking, but Tidus watched the two leave with a fleeting look of regret in his eyes.

"Ti, you listening?" Yuna prodded his arm.

"Huh? Oh, yeah sorry…"

"Anyway, it was then that this weird voice came out of no where and I thought it sounded a lot like Isaaru so I told it so and turns out it was him!"

She hadn't gotten very far in the story, which was enriched by her vast imagination.

"Cool…y'know, I'm gonna go with them…I need some air…"

"But you just went walking this morning!"

"I know…walking's never something you overindulge on anyway."

**On my knees  
Dim lighted room  
Thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this  
I'm not faithless  
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose  
Ignorance is bliss cherish it  
Pretty neighborhoods you learn to much to hold  
Believe it not  
And fight the tears  
With pretty smiles and lies about the times**

Yuna pouted slightly, but followed him out the door. Rikku and Paine were no where in sight. For some reason, this made Tidus look sad.

"What?" she asked, a delicate hand on his arm.

"Nothing just…I wanted to walk with them…"

Yuna gave him a searching look with her Al-Bhed eye. Yup…still Tidus…but maybe something had happened to him during the time they'd been apart. It had been nearly 3 years, and even she had to admit to thoughts of moving on.

She'd thought that before and look what almost happened. A wedding match made and ruined! She'd always had a feeling Tidus would come back..whenever she whistled…like an obedient dog.

It would take him a little while, but he'd come back…

He'd always come back…

"Rikku seemed a little sad today…why's that?" she asked him. Maybe he'd said something to her and wanted to be forgiven.

"I guess…love hasn't been as kind to her as it's been to me." Tidus gave her a loving glance.

Yuna snorted. "Rikku? Heartbroken? I don't think I've ever seen her heartbroken before…who did it?"

Tidus winced.

"_I_ did…"

**And just maybe we might see  
Something there in between  
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream  
So we can talk about it  
**

Paine seemed not all that surprised at her words.

"I'm in love with Tidus…or I thought I was…he sort of told me I couldn't be…"

The young girl who was usually so carefree dragged her shoes on the path. Paine patted her shoulder.

"Don't sweat it kid. Love is never kind to everyone. And what he said is true. If you're a lovesick puppy drunk on compliments." she quipped.

Rikku chuckled. "Woof!"

"That's the spirit…" Paine said sarcastically.

But her good graces weren't long lasting. Soon she was looking thoughtfully up into the branches of trees next to the path, arms behind her head.

"I wonder if he'll tell Yunie…"

"What, that you like him? I'd call him a fool if he did."

"I guess…"

She skipped ahead, her sneakers skidding on the stones, turning a few cartwheels for good measure.

"Show off…" Paine grumbled.

"WHEEE!"

**We say to those who are in love  
It can't be true 'cause we're too young  
I know that's true because so long I was  
So in love with you  
So I thought  
**


	3. Island Berry

_A/N: I'm baaack! and unfortunately still OOC. I think I'm getting better...what do you think? Anyway, I started this out thinking it wouldn't get that far and I'd make it into another song fic but that didn't exactly work out. It's quite long, so I hope you're comofortable, Tikku fans! hehe...I don't know if this type of thing's been done before, but as I wrote it, it just seemed right, somehow. and pardon, Yuna fans if she comes off a bit cold in this one. I'm afraid fame has finally gone to her head just a tad. I'd call this AU cuz I remember in my FFX-2 game, the houses were huts...soo...yeah, Yunie gets a nice house in this story, haha. Oh, and just a side note. it was sooo weird in that part you have to massage Leblanc! My wrong mind went places it's never been before! haha, anyway...on with the story!_

**Island Berry**

Rikku waded in, about knee deep into the pond, snatching offhandedly at weeds and frogs drowsing on lily pads. The miniscule water plants clung to her tan calves and fingers, but she truly didn't seem to mind. The muck at the bottom of the pond condensated between her toes and shifted as she walked around. It was better then a Goon massage any day…

She reached the small hump of dry land in the center, settling down on the damp soil, solid enough to exist in the tepid waters. The soft cries of cicadas pierced the twilight air. Lightning bugs flew hither and thither, shining light on their domain. It was magical…and it was really too bad that Home didn't have any places like this. Calm and leafy green, teeming with such life and promise.

It was kind of the reason she was a bit reluctant to go home. She picked up her old goggles and dropped them ceremoniously into the pond water, watching the ripples cross the surface with calming grace. Interrupted reflections started settling back down, only to be stirred again by her hyper leg movements.

Rikku lay back on the small island, arms outstretched and touching the other side of the islet with her fingers. Stroking the back of a pond frog who quickly hopped away…the soft stirrings of water bugs against her nails.

To most other girls, this would make them either shiver or scream. She did neither. She sighed. The moon shone brightly over the small alcove, overpowering the light from the celebration campfire. She glanced over to her left, and saw the dancing firelight and shadows of the drunk and joyful. The night had started off nice enough.

When Tidus had to choose Maiden of the Night, a long standing tradition in Besaid homecomings, he'd chosen Rikku. Of course her mind went tactical and assumed it was because Yuna was already guest of honor, and getting most of the attention, but as he put the ceremonial necklace around her neck, she felt his hands brush her cheek and the way he looked at her…it was dripping with remorse…he wanted to be forgiven. But why?

She fingered the cheap imitation beads she wore and knew they meant so much more then attention and drunken partying. He'd chosen HER. And that fact alone made the necklace priceless.

A heavy shadow came up from the water and she moved away slightly anticipating maybe a turtle, or worse, a snake of some sort. But out popped a jolly looking otter. He smiled snaggle toothed at her and made his way to the other side of the islet, most likely where a burrow had been dug. She imagined just over what section she was sitting. Maybe the living room, or the kitchen. Or the bedroom, where he'd kiss his otter wife and go to bed, recharging after a hard day's work. The idea made her smile.

"Hey, wacko, what are you doing out here?" a sharp voice called from the shore.

"Thinking…" Rikku answered simply, turning away from Paine's form and swirling a finger in the weedy water.

"Everyone's looking for the friggen Maiden of the Night…gag me…it's some ceremony or another. Wakka just made it up, the genius. He's had a couple too many so don't totally freak if they tell you to like…I dunno…play spin the bottle with Tidus or something."

Rikku's heart caught in her throat. The thought of kissing Tidus made her brain cease functioning.

"C'mon moon queen get off the island and go to your people!" Paine gestured dramatically at the campsite.

"I think YOU've had a bit too many!" Rikku quipped once she reached the shore and redonned her shoes.

"haha…and if I have, it's all Lulu's fault."

They reentered the clearing, Rikku a bit hesitantly. Her friends faces were quite a bit ruddier then they had been when she'd left, and the smell of strong alcohol was in the air. She was happy to see Tidus approach her in a steady sober gait.

"Alrighty then! It'z shtime to play a leetle game, ya? Zish called…burp no not that shillies…itsh called "Guess the Lady!" hahahah!"

Wakka stumbled over to the main table, where Yuna, Lulu and Paine were already standing. Rikku joined them awkwardly. This didn't sound right…

Wakka held up a scrap of cloth. "The guy here, has tah guess which one is the Maiden of the Night by touch alone!" Tidus studied the line carefully, assuming that was the order in which they'd come to him, but as Wakka tied the cloth haphazardly around his eyes, Yuna switched places with Lulu, who then switched with Paine. Rikku was then shunted all the way to the back. She watched eagerly to see what kind of touching was required. Wakka slumped over hiccupping and Lulu sighed. She'd have to drag him home later.

Paine went first and awkwardly poked Tidus in the shoulder. He frowned, trying to remember the order…hadn't Rikku been first? Why was she poking him? "Nope, not her!" he said loudly. Everyone cheered drunkenly. Paine rolled her eyes and stood aside.

Yuna went next, planting a quick kiss on his cheek. Tidus smiled, catching a whiff of her tulip perfume. "No way!" he said. Yuna smiled and walked off. Lulu switched with Rikku at the last minute and pushed her forward.

She had no idea what to do! Trying not to look too nervous, she stifled a giggle and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. Tidus seemed a little confused, until he felt the slightly damp fingers stroking his knuckles. He knew exactly who it was. "That's her!" he cried and whipped off the blindfold. Rikku had on a smile a mile wide and she hugged Tidus so tightly, he lifted her off her feet. Everyone was cheering, and a few catcalls were thrown in from the heavily drunk.

"So, what do we win, Wakka?" Tidus asked his stoned friend.

"Drinks on the house! Island Berries! The best drink eva!" Wakka called, slapping Tidus on the back. A waiter emerged with the renowned drinks, topped with whipped cream and a blueberry. Rikku eyed it worriedly. She'd managed to avoid alcohol tonight, since she never held it very well…but this WAS a celebration….why not go all out?

She sipped daintily, the whipped cream giving her a cute mustache that set everyone laughing. The drink was like tropical fruit punch, but with a wonderful kick. She'd soon emptied the glass and licked off the mustache, calling for another. Tidus eyed her strangely. He knew about her aversion to alcohol as well.

"Bring out another big one, papa bear! Hit me!" she crooned. The waiter shook his head as he set down another Berry.

"Rikku, you shouldn't…" Tidus started. He glanced around for Yuna or Paine to help, but Yuna was deep in conversation with distant cousins she hadn't seen since childhood, and Paine was standing off in a corner talking heatedly with Baralei.

"I love you…" Rikku cooed after she polished off her third Berry, falling into Tidus, eyes closed.

"hehe, that's nice but…remember our talk at the beach?"

"Beach…never…we don't have them at Home…sand but never the water…"

"Yes yes but remember what I said to you ON a beach?"

"Hoo hoo…I plum forgot I guess…hehee…"

"RIKKU! Stop this!" Tidus started edging away from her. This was the last straw. He got up and roughly took Rikku in his arms, coming unabashedly up to Yuna.

"Honey, you're cousin is drunk, and I recommend we take her home…NOW!"

Yuna apologized to the shocked cousins, and took Tidus aside. "yes, take her home, but I can't just leave, Tidus, I'm the guest of honor!"

"And that matters more then your cousin?" Tidus asked, a burning anger in his eyes.

Yuna looked a bit taken aback, and hurt. She looked around quickly. "Tonight…yes. But that's only because I know you can handle it for me! I'm sorry, okay?" she kissed him quickly, but he didn't return the gesture.

"Fine. Have fun!" he growled and walked out to the street, a groggy Rikku in his arms.

Once they reached the road, he put her down and supported her while she stumbled. The quiet became too much for her, he guessed and she started rambling loudly.

"I love Island Berries they are sooo yummy…yummy…I wanted to kiss you too, but Yuna did it first darn it…you never woulda guessed it was me if I'd kissed you…would you? I don't think you would cuz you'd never expect it from lil' ole me…I don't feel so good…brother's gonna kill me tomorrow…He wanted me to make him some bombs cuz he's going over to Bevelle tomorrow heaven knows why but they'll probably be duds if I'm drunk…I can't hold drinks so well, as you can see…haha I made a funny…"

Tidus rolled his eyes, but continued smiling as they headed for Yuna's house near the temple. He couldn't fully get over how soft Rikku's skin was. How truly adorably drunk she was. But then his thoughts took a nosedive and he struggled to keep his eyes straight ahead.

They reached the house, but then he realized he'd left his keys at the party. He plopped defeated on the porch, after spreading Rikku out on the porch swing to rest. She promptly passed out. And as he watched her sleep, he noticed bits of green on her calves and came over to see what they were. He picked one off and examined it. A pond weed or something, he guessed. Where had she been that had pond weeds? Before he could properly realize what he was doing, he took off her shoes and socks, noticing how pruny her toes were. She'd been in water…how?

He decided to wake her and ask. He shook her gently, but all she did was moan. He studied her face. Soft cheekbones, and a gentle jaw…a perfect nose and eyelashes like nothing else before. He could just picture them on a rainy day, dripping with dew. Like tiny stars caught in a net of laughter.

And it was then he decided he didn't need to know why her toes were pruny or why her legs were covered in pond weeds. He sat back by the steps of the porch, reluctant now to leave her and go get the keys. Reluctant to even return to the party.

"Probably out someplace being Rikku…" he said to himself, answering his own questions.

"Being herself…like she always has been…"

He remembered her giddy mannerisms, her kind heart, and her eye for detail.

And as she slept peacefully on the wooden porch swing, he sighed, and it was like the floodgates of his heart being opened. He remembered Yuna's shocked face when he told her Rikku had a crush on him. She'd dismissed it, saying how silly kids get. Kids? Rikku was barely three years younger then him! That didn't make her a kid…did it?

But with her sleeping so close by, unable to hear him, and how his heart ached for her, he released the words he'd held in for so long, released them like a captive bird being set free from it's cage. Released them for the world to hear…for the moon and the stars…for whatever pond life Rikku had most likely encountered on her mini adventure at the party.

"I love you…"

_EH I got mushy there at the end, and a tad melodramatic, haha...I've been reading this book for school and it's like that, very melodramatic with cliches abundant besides being a tad boring. Hope you liked! I dunno where this is headed, but hoorah for the first blatantly Tikku chapter! ; ) REVIEW PLEASE! I will luv you forever if you review! XD maybe not forever..but I'd really appreciate it!_


	4. 3 in the morning

_A/N: wehell lookie here! this was a quickie cuz I figured I needed to release some Tikku energies I was vibing, and FAST before I overloaded. yes, Yuna seems mean, but that's just to turn Tidus off some more! C'mon, she gets the guy in the games! why not let Rikku get him in the fan fics! TIKKU LOVERS DO NOT DESPAIR! mwahahaha...oh yeah...forgot to put this...I DON'T OWN ANYTHING CEPT THIS FIC! but I plan to buy the rights to Rikku once I win the lottery a coupla times, so that may change! ;D_

** 3 in the Morning**

"Wakey wakey sleepy head!"

Rikku started from her sleep, a wrenching crick in her neck and back, her arm still fast asleep from leaning on the porch swing boards.

"What the…?" she squinted in the morning sunlight, wondering how she'd gotten here…she barely remembered anything! Yuna put a plate of good smelling food on the wicker table along with a glass of water.

"You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you! And it's been cool out, you were okay. Plus Tidus stayed with you for who knows how long before I came home to let him in! Silly…he should have just come back and got his keys!"

Rikku felt her mind finally started to process words again. "Tidus…stayed with me? All night?" she felt the heat going to her face and stared hard at the food, trying to control it before Yuna noticed.

"Not ALL night. Just until 3 when I got home." the way she said it, it was like she'd only left them on the porch for ten minutes, not 3 hours. Rikku sat up and dug into the scrambled eggs and bacon. It tasted sooo good. She had to restrain the satisfied moans that wanted to escape once she bit into the rich juicy bacon.

"I'm glad to see you're eating…" a voice said from the door. She looked up. Tidus smiled at her. "Very admirable. You didn't barf, I can tell you that."

Rikku smiled, and with a mouthful of egg, that was no mean feat. "Thanks…for bringing me here and all…I was kinda loopy last night…" she was laughing nervously.

"Yeah…it's okay. I would've brought you inside, but Yuna insisted…you're so light, it wouldn't have made a difference. And I doubt that swing was good for your back…"

Rikku rubbed her lower back, feeling a twinge of pain just as he mentioned it. "You're right…this thing sucks as a bed!" she finished her breakfast and headed inside to do the dishes for Yunie. Once she'd cleaned abut every bowl in the sink, she patted her hands dry and started for the door, planning maybe to go home and get some real sleep before having to face Tidus over what happened last night. But he caught her arm just as she reached the door.

"I brought you here, but you had…weeds or something on your legs…where'd you go during the party?" he asked gently. Rikku looked down and saw a few green flecks still stuck to her calves. She brushed them off quickly. "Oh nowhere! There's a pretty pond by that house and I thought I'd pay it a visit…everyone was getting a bit too rowdy for me!" she winked. Tidus made an "o" with his mouth but never said a word.

"I should go…I need to get some real sleep!" she took her arm from his hand and headed for the steps. Tidus watched her go with that same sad look in his eyes. Just as he'd expected. He wondered if maybe someday she'd take him to that pretty pond. So he could get weeds on his legs too. And pruny toes. And stare and stare at her the whole time…like he'd guiltily done the night before until 3 in the morning.

3 o'clock in the morning...he turned and headed for the house. "YUNA!"

_A/N: there ya go! some short fluffiness for ya. the pruny toes thing was inspired by my cousins teasing me for how pruny my toes get after going in the pool, and who had toes that pruned like that? Of course I got catty and said "sexy people." hears the groans and retreats behind her desk Remember guys! Only sexy people get pruny toes! WOOHOO!_


	5. Secret Hideaway

_A/N: Hilo! welp, here I am again! hope you like this one. I've reverted back to my old song fic format, and this time, I've never heard the song, so can't vouch for it's listening quality. the lyrics fit! I forget who it's by, I'll look it up later for the curiouser ones._

**Secret Hideaway**

_It was so weird when he grabbed my arm like that…Almost like he really wanted me to stay…and those stupid weeds…that pond was a nice place…maybe someday I'll take him there. I don't know whether it should be during the day or at night…at night sure is prettier…_

Precious moments when it's just we two  
At our secret hideaway  
Telling secrets just talking to You  
I love to meet you everyday  
At our secret hideaway

Rikku quickly stepped over the bushes and weeds growing on the path to the pond, leaving the scene of party wreckage behind. The calm smell of the wilderness overwhelmed her senses and she felt at peace, just like she had last night. With no one to answer to. Just her and the moon…She waded over to the island again, just to remember that wonderfully carefree feeling of water at your toes and your fingertips. Mr. Otter must be out today, she guessed smiling to think of his angry wife down below, saying what a good for nothing her husband was sometimes. Before she knew it, she felt her eyelids getting heavy, the gentle arch of the small island doing wonders for her cramped back. With arms outstretched to the water, and toes floating idly, she fell asleep.

Even those who love me most  
Don't know me like you do  
My darkest fears my highest hopes  
I can tell them all to you  
When trouble comes like a rainy day  
I run to our secret hideaway and listen  
You tell me what to do

Tidus finally managed to get away from the house, after a heated argument with Yuna over how late she'd stayed out and why she hadn't worried about him not returning from the house. It had ended in tears and hurt feelings, mostly on her part. He'd tried to patch things up, he really had, but She pushed him so hard he almost broke a vase and told him to get out. Not really knowing what to do with himself now, he thought of Rikku and her weedy legs. It made him smile. And soon without really noticing, his feet took him to the house they'd had the party at. It was a summer rental house of some sort and no one lived there. Good thing, because the yard was in shambles. Bottles everywhere, streamers and grass littering the brown clay ground. He saw a slight path leading into the trees and followed it, nimbly jumping over thistle bushes and passing trees until he finally found the pond. He froze behind a tree just watching. If he hadn't known any better he'd have guessed it was Rikku on that little island in the center…it couldn't be…

He watched her closely, all stretched out from end to end, fingers in the water, as well as her feet. For a split second he wondered if she was dead, but closer examination revealed her steady breathing. He laughed at the thought.

At times I fail I feel so low  
And think could you still care  
My guilt becomes a heavy load  
It's far too much for me to bear  
The accuser comes tries to block my way  
I run to our secret hideaway You'll listen  
And forgive me when I've failed

_I wonder if he told Yunie…she didn't seem that happy at the party…If he did, he's just like Paine said…a fool…A lovely fool…Oh god, what if he finds me here! If he finds out this is where I came during the party…it won't be the same anymore, it wouldn't be secret! But maybe…maybe I could…He's special…He'd like it here, I know it…especially at night…_

Tidus took off his boots and socks, wading into the knee deep water, smiling as the weeds clung to his calves. He quickly reached the islet and watched her sleep…so peaceful, her chest rising and falling, rising and falling. She was smiling…having a good dream then…

"I'm not sure this is what I thought of when you said you wanted some real sleep!" he said quietly. She didn't stir.

"Not what I pictured at all…" he fought with himself whether or not to wake her. If she saw him here, she might think he followed her and freak out. Get the wrong message. Try and kiss him maybe. But…something deep inside of him wanted her to so badly.

_Hehe…this dream is soo cool! It sounds like he's right here…shoving that lovely cake into my mouth…smiling as I throw my bouquet to the crowd…Oh! Yuna catches it! That's so funny…_

She sighs a little and rolls onto her side, towards him. He smiles, holding out his hand. 'Penny for your thoughts, miss?" he asks playfully withdrawing his palm when she fails to answer. "I guess not!" he drops the teasing and rests his elbows on the soil, so close to her he can smell her. Lovely and exotic, like a rare flower, with just a hint of bacon from that morning.

_I wonder what Tidus was thinking when he stayed with me last night…he must have been bored…why didn't he go back to the party with Yunie? Why stay? I won't deny it was very noble of him but…oh, poopie there I go again! Rambling like I was still 15...hehe…now THOSE were the days…_

A secret place that no one else can find  
A place that's safe where I can leave the storm behind

Tidus jumped a little whe her green eyes flickered open, hoping to make one last desperate attempt to hide before she woke up. But too late. She sat up, her hair slightly mussed from sleeping. "Tidus? What…how did you find me?"

He was blushing now, trying to hide that fact by scratching at his neck and looking away. "Err…lucky guess?"

_A place of peace to ease my troubled mind_

Rikku giggled. "Then you're one lucky guy! Either that or Paine told you about it."

Tidus smiled bashfully at her, in that oh-so-shy way he'd looked at Yuna when they'd first met.

And before Rikku could properly register what she was doing, she leaned forward and picked a stray leave that was stuck to his cheek. "Geez, you're worse then me!" she quipped, flicking it away. She found her hand returning…touching the same place…caressing…but then Tidus looked away, a worried look in his eyes.

_A place where I can feel your heart as you touch mine _

"You shouldn't be here. You should be resting up, technically, you should still have a hangover. Falling asleep in a forest in the middle of a pond? That's hangover behavior. C'mon."

He helped her up and they waded to the shore, weeds and all, to retie their shoes. Rikku grabbed his socks before he could reach them and flung them into the water.

"Hey!" he cried, starting in after them she grabbed his arm. "No, leave them! It's too hot for them anyway. Maybe the otter can use them in his bedroom…the wife's been complaining lately." she flashed a secretive smile.

Tidus shook his head, just slightly bemused, but mostly amused.

"you're crazy, you know that?" he asked as they headed out of the alcove.

"That's why ya love me!" she called over her shoulder, raising her arms to the sun. then she broke into a sprint, Tidus struggling to keep pace.

Their joyful yelling could be heard throughout all of Besaid, if you listened carefully enough…

_Precious moments when it's just we two…_

A/N: TIDUS IS NOT A STALKER! hehe...he just manages to catch Rikku whenever she's sleeping. yawn but maybe next time around, she'll be doing the staring! stay tuned my lovelies! I hope you liked!

**Mr. Otter: they better like it! I took those socks because of Rikku! they stank to high heaven, phew! But we otters luv her! We'll do anything to keep her happy! even if it means using Tidus' stinky socks!**

**Mrs. Otter:You act like I didn't wash them! they're fine now!**

**Mr. Otter:Yes ma'am...**


	6. Sweetheart

_A/N: I'm baaaack! it was 2:46 at night when I wrote this, I was helluva bored, as you can tell. Rikku has guilt! awww! from her point of view. i thought it'd be fun. If you think this product of sleep deprivation is fluffy, then that must mean my writing skills are getting better, ha! Hope you like!_

**Sweetheart**

I saw the last of the sun disappear behind a cloud, and held my arms. When had it gotten so cold?

I looked down at my short shorts, tank top and ankle socks. Well…duh, Rikku, you dummy!

I felt a raindrop as it hit my head, soft but firm, like the first troop sent out by the army to scope the land, and no doubt the rain would love my face. Who wouldn't? heehee

The rest of the brigade fell heavily and immediately, lightning flashing from several miles away, and thunder rolling in right after, the tiger's roar of surprise after his lights went out.

I could do without the rain.

Or thunder. I'd gotten over my acute astraphobia a year ago, but I guess my mind was already so used to reacting in fear, my body just went along with it. I huddled under a tree, leaning my back against it. This wasn't the most comfortable of options, but at least I was dry.

As I watched the lightning and heard the thunder roll I couldn't help but feel an involuntary shiver go up my back. Stupid learned behavior…

I shrugged it off, remembering when I was back at the pond with Tidus. What had possessed me to stroke his cheek? I guess I needed to get better control of my brain before I ended up jumping off a cliff next. Joy.

The rain petered out a little and I rose carefully from my leaning position, scratching my back to rid it of the inevitable imprints of the bark.

I headed for the village, but just then, a huge lightning bolt shot down in front of me. I froze in place, too scared to properly tell myself I wasn't afraid of lightning anymore. A small flame came to life on the spot, sputtering pitifully in the rain.

I actually felt kind of bad for it. Like it was some kid a bad mom had left behind. Yeah RIGHT. We were talking about fire here? See what a sap I am? I stepped over it, guessing the rain would put it out and headed onward. The rain started good again, soaking my mostly exposed back and legs, getting into the pockets of my shorts and soaking through the denim.

I wonder what it'd taste like…the rain…I lifted up my head and opened my mouth, exposing my tongue to the elements. A few drops fell down, tasting like plain water in my mouth, and only a few got in, so once my neck started bothering me I gave up.

Jogging up to Yuna's place I heard yelling.

Yelling?

I bent low and hid under a window to listen.

"You WHAT?"

"I didn't do anything wrong! I was just worried about her, that's all!"

"You go gallivanting after Rikku and have no consideration for how I'd feel after our big argument?"

"You told me to leave!"

"I didn't mean it and you know it!"

Silence. A heavy, ugly silence. I felt tears gathering in the corners of my eyes, and the burn made me blink incessantly. Why was I crying?

"I don't think I can do this anymore…"

"…What? Don't be ridiculous, of course you can!"

"Stop it! Okay? Just stop it! I hate you always taking digs at me all the time! I'm doing my best!"

"You could do so much better sweetheart.."

"Don't call me sweetheart! Go call HER sweetheart!"

"You know I'd never-"

The sound of heavy footfalls heading upstairs. Whoah…I was sobbing now, thinking about how ridiculous this was. The dark side in me was screaming with glee. This is what you wanted! Tidus is yours once and for all! Mwahahahaha! But my other side was causing these tears…causing the pain and the hurt. I'd caused this…me!

Me….

"Me…"

"Yeah you."

I looked up in surprise to see Tidus looking down from over the open window.

"Oh I'm sorry it started to rain and I thought-but then I heard-and thought-wow…" I just did the next best thing. Shut my trap and tried hard not to break out bawling again in front of him. I was still soaked, so a few more tears could be hidden, but not bawling.

Thank god for rain…

"Nah nah nah, I know what you were doing…" he sighed, crossed his arms and looked right at me.

"Don't blame yourself. It was bound to happen someday, and you know it."

"But I didn't-I never-I wouldn't've!" he put a finger to my lips I was tempted so much to kiss it, but I held back breathing deeply.

"Shhshhshhshhshh…you know it. C'mon in and get dry, you're soaked!"

What the-? I couldn't go in there, noo way! I'd hurt Yunie enough, no more! I shook my head vigorously, raindrops pelting the exposed curtains of the living room.

"C'mon, don't be silly, you're soaked!"

"I can stay soaked y'know it actually feels kinda good!" I tried to hide a wince as I realized my tank top was now very transparently wet.

He followed my eyes and smiled at me. Ugh, why'd he pick now to be such a cutie?

"Alright. Hurry home, or else you'll catch the worst cold Besaid's ever seen!"

I tried to smile, I did, but all that came out was a smirk. A smirk! I had to follow that with something so I winked, and ran off the porch, rubbing furiously at a raindrop that had recently invaded my eye.

I reached the gate and looked back for one second. Just a second. Tidus was looking away, into the distance, but I could make out his profile clearly. I'd never been known for reading lips but I read his now.

_Sweetheart…_


	7. Cleansing Rain

_A/N: I'm baaaack again! Kehehe…never heard the song, sounded good, so here ya go! Don't go away by Oasis. Just a note, the lyrics are dreadfully out of order, so don't get pissed if they don't match exactly. I hope I didn't get too mushy for you guys, and I tried my best with Lulu, guys, but I think she's more modeled after one of my friends since I don't know Lulu's character very well. OOC for safety reasons, and now I can legitimately say it's rated T for language! Kehehe…poor Yunie…I feel so bad for her! But…the…Tikkuness…is TAKING OVER! GAAAAH! She's really just a victim of circumstance I suppose. Sorry my YUNIE!_

**The Cleansing Rain**

_**A Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say  
About the things caught in my mind **_

Rikku sighed as the hot water from the shower head hit her shivering body. Her damp clothes lay abandoned on the floor of the bathroom. Staying with Lulu and company was a really interesting arrangement. Yuna's old friend and mentor had no reservations about anything, and the entire family would just walk in on you in any state of undress. It was funny really. She hoped maybe Lulu was busy with baby Vidina, and she could shower in peace, so she could rearrange her muddled thoughts…

_She liked, no loved Tidus…_

_He seemed to like her…_

_Called her sweetheart…_

_Made Yunie upset…_

That thought made her frown, and if her eyes weren't so sore from crying, she would've felt a tear mingled in with the sulfur-scented water.

_**As the day was dawning my plane flew away  
With all the things caught in my mind **_

She dabbed herself dry after coming out of the shower, and got into comfy house clothes from the closet before flopping onto her bed, skin pleasantly warm to the touch.

"Hey stranger. Where've you been hanging out lately?"

Rikku didn't bother opening her eyes. She heard Vidina gurgle.

"With T- um, with Yunie and them, y'know, catching up and stuff."

"Huh…"

Rikku opened her eyes and hugged her legs.

"Don't believe me?"

"No, I believe you, I just think there was more Tidus then Yunie in that sentence no matter who's name you actually said out loud."

"Stop it…" Rikku said playfully, giving Vidina her finger, which the infant grabbed and held with amazing strength, his hazel eyes staring right at her.

"He's so perfect…" Rikku breathed, smiling as the baby gurgled.

"Yeah…except when he's got a loaded diaper."

Both women started laughing.

Rikku grew thoughtful.

_**And I wanna be there when you're...  
Coming down **_

"I told Tidus I wanted a lot of kids…so they'd never be alone…like I was…"

Lulu seemed surprised. "Recently?"

"No, no it was a while back…in our guardian days…at Guadusalaam…"

"Men have memories that span 3 years at the most, and I tell you this from experience. Tidus is a good kid. He probably remembers what you told him."

"Maybe…"

"Now let's get you out of this Tidus kick, huh? I need you to babysit this afternoon. You up for it?"

Rikku's face lit up. "Sure!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tidus banged on the locked door in frustration. "Yuna, don't DO this!" he yelled, trying to drown out the crying from inside that made his heart leap to his throat. What was he going to do? He debated getting his tools and undoing the hinges but decided against that. He turned to go when he heard Yuna speak.

"All I want is for you to be happy…"

He turned back to the door, hoping maybe she'd open it, but nothing.

"I'm going over to Lulu's…" he said in a loud voice. His heart was telling him so many things, but his mind was having a hard time deciding which directions to follow.

_**Damn my situation and the games I have to play  
With all the things caught in my mind **_

Eventually, his heart led him to Lulu's door.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rikku settled Vidina on her hip when the bell rang. The baby was a bit indignant at leaving behind their game with his plushie toys.

"Tidus…" she said breathlessly once she opened the door. She tucked away a stray bit of her bangs that had crept onto her face. "What brings you here?"

Tidus maneuvered his way in, patted Vidina on the head and looked around.

"I dunno…Yuna still needs some time to vent…I guess…I needed to see you."

Rikku felt her heart flutter, but she tried to convey slight annoyance along with blatant flattery.

_**Damn my education I can't find the words to say  
About all the things caught in my mind **_

"That's nice but…I'm babysitting Vidina and it's going to be really hard to talk right now and I've got so many things to do for Lulu later and-"

She stopped. Tidus's face looked strangely vacant.

_**Cos I need more time yes I need more time  
Just to make things right **_

"You have no idea…what it's like…to be so in love with someone only to realize…they really weren't born for you…"

Rikku's mouth fell open slightly.

"To think you'd grow old with somebody…somebody you'd die for…give anything for…striving to make them so very happy…only to realize…they can't be happy with you…"

"Tidus I don't…"

"Shh…what I mean to say is…I don't think I love Yuna…the same way I love you…"

"That's obvious I mean you're in LOVE with her, not with me, I'm just some-"

"You're not just anybody. You're…ah shit I don't even know anymore…" he darted for the door into the waning daylight.

"Tidus! WAIT! Wait…"

_**And I wanna be there when you hit the ground  
So don't go away say what you say **_

He paused at the door.

"I guess…if what you're trying to say is that you love me more then Yunie…then I have to say…I'm here for you…whenever you need me."

Tidus clenched his hands on the doorframe, his nails making an odd scratching noise on the wood. He felt a solitary tear slide down his tan cheek.

"Thank you…so much…"

_**But say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day...in the time of my life **_

And he was gone.

_**Me and you what's going on?  
All we seem to know is how to show  
The feelings that are wrong **_

_A/N:and there ya go, just about a blatant confession from Tidus! Let's see where this goes shall we? (stares into the distance eagerly while the readers just stare at me) oh right…I'm the writer person…I haveta write what happens, don't I? silly me! (grabs pen and runs like Captain Jack Sparrow)_


	8. Fevers and Forgiveness

_A/N: and hello my friends, fellow Tikku-lovers, and plain curiosity seekers. Just a note on commenting. If you comment on this story you make somebody very very happy because that somebody is me. And you want to make me happy as much as I want my story to make you happy. Help Kippy help YOU! (yes, I watched Little Black Book recently I confess)guuuu….I had this written for a while (feels all the angry glares from impatient readers) and I'm sooo sorry but I went back to school and blaahhh you don't wanna hear a poor sophomore excuse….cuz I am one you know…AHHH just skip this...skip skip to the Tikku-ness blessedly short chappie but I have the next written up too…(dodges tomatoes and stuffed animals) and it shall be up very soon!_

**Fevers and Forgiveness**

The sun hit my closed eyes with the force of a flashlight in a dark room. I squinted and saw Lulu's thin form fling open all the drapes.

"Wakey wakey you. Get outside! You've been moping for hours in here. I doubt popcorn and soap operas are the diet of a healthy young woman such as yourself."

"mmmmm…." I was in NO mood to wake up. I felt Lulu sit on the edge of the bed and pat my back. "C'mon now…Tidus has been around twice and I had to tell him you were sleeping or otherwise preoccupied. You can't lead the kid on like that. From what I heard he had a nasty break up with Yuna."

That got my attention.

I got up, dressed, and hurried over to Yunie's. As much as it bothered me to be near the house-which I had associated with sadness and heartbreak recently-I managed to muster the courage to knock.

Yuna answered.

"Oh…" she seemed a bit surprised, and I could tell the circles under her eyes were from nights without sleep.

I'm sorry to tell you there was no entertaining cat fight, no shouting, no ranting.

But there was a lot of crying and apologizing.

I won't go into details because I couldn't even see properly most of the time I was crying so hard, and everyone's voices seemed drowned out by the ringing in my ears. I remember my nose wouldn't stop running.

I also remember feeling really tired from saying the word's I'm, really, sorry, forgive, and me in different combinations over and over again.

And then he'd shown up to two crying girls in the living room…It broke my heart to see him rush to me.

Yunie's the one who needed attention and he comes to ME?

"You're burning up! Rikku, I knew I should have made you stay yesterday! You're sick!"

I…am? Yuna looked at me worriedly and wiped her eyes before running to the kitchen to make me tea. We were still civil to each other…how could she still treat me so well after what I'd done to her?

"Here…" I felt a tissue on my nose, sopping up the running waterfall. I looked around and saw him, crouched near me. If I had been any more in control of my senses I would have bawled him out for treating me like a snotty little kid, or teased him…but right now…

All I could do was smile…

* * *

It was the morning after my little moment with Rikku. I still remember how she'd looked when I'd finally managed to get out what I'd been feeling.

Relieved…happy…maybe a bit sad as well…I'd worried that my babbling couldn't be understood by Vidina much less Rikku, but she got my meaning right away.

Yuna had taken it much better once I got home. She was in the kitchen, doing dishes. I forgot for a moment what had happened between us and kissed her neck, But she'd pushed me away with a sharp elbow and fiercely rubbed her neck onto her shoulder, to remove the kiss.

I knew then nothing would ever go back to the way it was. I stayed away from her, actually found the courage to ring Lulu's bell two more times, but Rikku had apparently reneged on her promise. She wasn't there to talk to.

I should have known I was dumping too much on her shoulders. I should have just said on the beach that day that I was lying to save face. But back then I had been lost in the illusion that was Yuna.

Rikku…the name had a nice feel on my tongue. I sort of wished that maybe now we could evolve past our little crushes into something more.

She'd looked like such a natural with Vidina. It was really cute.

I walked into the house hoping maybe there was a snack I could snag before going upstairs to read and ponder for a while. But then I heard sniffling from the living room.

Crying and apologizing like fools. Civil fools I'm happy to say.

But I noticed Rikku's crying was more profuse then Yuna's, and that she was searching about in vain for a tissue. I rushed to her. Maybe she hadn't listened to me before…Maybe she'd stayed in her wet clothes too long. I put my palm on her forehead. She was burning up! Yuna rushed away to make tea, but I barely noticed.

I grabbed a tissue from a previously hidden box by the table and helped Rikku out a little. She must really be sick, because she didn't reprimand me or joke. She just…

Smiled at me…

_A/N: Tralalaaaaaaaa….hmhmhm….waiting music plays _


	9. So warm

**_sorry for not seperating this correctly! I fixed it tho, be happy ;)_**

**So warm…**

I felt shivers going up my back as he sat beside me, tucking in the blanket. My head was throbbing to high heavens, my nose a raw faucet, and my eyes almost entirely swollen shut, but through my misery, I felt those shivers. Maybe it was just my fever chills…

Maybe…

"Hey…want some more soup?" Tidus asked, his breath tickling my ear. I didn't want him to leave…I was feeling so warm…I shook my head.

"Okay…"

He rubbed my shoulders. I could feel him…right there…

A sneezing fit took me and I screwed my eyes shut…geez, I never knew sneezing could hurt so much…

"You really should have come in yesterday…I knew you were going to get sick…"

He hugged me to him. I felt his chin on the top of my head, his hands holding me…I could live forever like this. I closed my eyes and a wave of relief washed over me.

I was barely conscious, and I guess I could say not entirely responsible for my actions…

I kissed his neck.

I…Rikku…kissed Tidus's neck…I kept my face there, and I felt his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in laughter against my cheek.

So warm…

He pulled away and it just wrenched my heart out. But he stared at me. Long and hard. No longer laughing…no longer smiling.

"Rikku…" he said my name slow…pleadingly…like a parent quietly scolding a child…

"I'm so tired…" I whispered.

I was led to my room in a daze and in a quilt. I closed my eyes, the last thing I remember being Tidus's kind blue gaze.

* * *

She was so pathetic when she was sick. And helpless…and sweet…It reminded me of that night she'd been drunk.

I still didn't think I could face Yuna just yet, so I kept walking around the town, saying hi to old friends I hadn't yet gotten reacquainted with. I puzzled over where Lulu and Wakka were. I had used Rikku's key to the house under the doormat to bring her in.

I suddenly remembered that she'd kissed me. Rikku had kissed me! It seemed so laughable now, since she was sick and most likely not thinking straight. But it had felt so nice…I touched the spot on my neck idly, feeling a slight shiver go down my back.

This was getting very odd…I'd never felt this way about Yuna before…With her, it had been mostly awkwardness, luck, and an affection borne of circumstance…a pity it was just that…our love had so much promise…

I stopped in front of the house. A light was on upstairs. I found my arm lifting, and my hand reaching out to it, only to close into a fist and fall dejectedly to my side.

Anything to make her happy…

* * *

It took me a week to get over my flu, Lulu playing nurse while I recovered. I missed Tidus sorely during my days housebound, and I wondered how he was doing with post break-up Yuna.

I was finally strong enough to get up and walk around without getting dizzy or faint. I sat in the living room reading a book. The words no longer swam before my eyes. I guess I'd sort of forgotten what it was like to be healthy for a little while there.

The next day I got dressed and headed out, my hair loose. I'd always liked the crimped look it had after being taken out of it's braids. And my particular shade of honey-blonde was pretty rare, even among us Al-Bhed. I sort of hoped I'd bump into Tidus, but I didn't.

I found my feet leading me to the rental house where the party had been. I had to sneak past the workers who were cleaning up and possibly preparing for another shin-dig.

The pond was faithfully peaceful in the still morning air, some of the weeds still damp with dew. I climbed onto the island in the center and kissed a leaf, imagining it was Tidus's cheek. I wish he tasted like that too…wild and wet and fresh…I squished my toes into the soft pond mud, groaning with pleasure. I really shouldn't be out here either, I'd get sick again it was so damp now.

A heady mist hung over the scene, impairing my vision slightly.

I moved my hand for better hold in the muck and felt a round and hard object push against my palm. I looked down, surprised. A shiny blue orb lay within inches of my fingers. A sphere!

I took it in my hands and brushed away stray mud, peering into it's marbleized depths.

Such pretty things, spheres…

The miniature screen within buzzed to life. I subconsciously held my breath…

_A clearing…a pond! Just like the one I sat on…_

_A girl…I couldn't see her face very clearly…but then she looked up, her hair long and brown. YUNIE! Her mismatched eyes shone in the static of the sphere._

"_I like it here…"_

_She was speaking to somebody…who? I squinted at the sphere._

"_It's so peaceful…and beautiful…maybe I'll bring Rikku when she visits this week!"_

"_I don't think so darling, this isn't our pond. We have to ask permission to come here."_

"_Not Rikku! She can get in anywhere, papa…"_

The screen fizzled out, the last scene of Yuna's eager and determined face. A 12 year old face. An old face…

It stirred the young girl within me and I clutched the sphere to my heart.

_She can get in anywhere…_

Yunie had been here…Yunie had wanted to share all this with me…How could I have been so cruel to her…Even though I must admit it was half Tidus's fault for breaking up with her, I had been why.

I was the reason she couldn't be happy and live ever after like those princesses in Al-Bhed folktales.

I'm sorry…

I'm so sorry…

_**A/N:**_ **_All my reviewers, you're the SHIZ, every single one of you! (passes out cookies) In the words of our beloved Rikku, you make this story Disasterrific! (in a VERY good way) _**


	10. Songstress

_(Hi everbuddy! I just watched some REEEEAAAALLLLYYYY mushy Tikku amv's recently and it got my creative juices flowing! Hope this chapter shows the love I'm vibing!)_

Tidus pushed the key under the mat, tucking his keychain into his pocket. Where to now? He walked along the dirt path towards the temple, maybe to just turn around completely and head for Lulu's again…a single light blazed in the top window, a melancholy shadow sitting up against the windowpane, watching him go. It was better this way…it had to be.

Tidus soon felt his feet start to lead, taking him in a twisting pattern along the path until stones started clicking under his boots. The new bridge had just recently been finished. The spray from the waterfalls hit his bare arms. He shivered involuntarily.

_Why can't everything go back to the way it was before? Why can't Yuna still want me around? Why can't I stop thinking I made a mistake?_

Because it couldn't be a mistake. He knew his feelings for Rikku were so very real. So real he couldn't even hide them very well.

He wanted her to be with him.

Now.

(TIKKU)(TIKKU)(TIKKU)

Rikku tucked the sphere into her pocket, rising from the pond and starting the long cold journey home. Why had she worn such skimpy clothes? She wished she were in the hot harsh climate of Home, where she never had to worry about a jacket. Where she could always see the stars in the sky, and where she would feel she belonged. Not like here, where everything was going so right, but yet so wrong.

_Why do I feel like such a meanie? I didn't do anything wrong! At least…I don't think I did…_

Even she had trouble convincing herself. It was hard enough feeling all this guilt and all this love all at once. The minute she'd met Tidus she knew he'd be a handful, but through it all, she watched him grow up. It had been so hard to watch him dissapear too. After all he'd learned, all the people he'd grown to love and treasure…thrown away…

Subtle tapping footsteps made her pause. She turned, and Tobli collided harshly with her hips and legs.

"Oh! I'm so awfully awesomely apologetic Miss Rikku! I was just trundling terrifically along when I chanced to spy you sauntering South!"

Rikku sighed with relief, her heart unclenching.

"It's alright Tobli. What are you doing out so late?"

The little man seemed to chuckle to himself, neck craned almost fully upward to look at her. She spied his thin smile under his wooden beak.

"I was just strolling, you see, hoping to help my horrible show return gratefully to it's former glory! Maybe by locating Lady Yuna!"

Rikku felt her shoulders sag as they kept walking. It was all about Yuna…Yuna this, Yuna that…did anyone even care that she had a nice voice too? Even in his small muddled presence, Tobli seemed to notice.

"O-Or you Miss Rikku if it's imperatively impossible to involve the lovely Lady Yuna! Equally exotic are your vibrant vocals! Though I cannot concur truthfully since I've never heard a ballad breach your lovely lips!"

She managed to ignore the second-hand quality of his compliment. She hadn't sung in so long…not since that day when he'd come back, when they'd celebrated by a bonfire on the shore. Everyone had been humming tunelessly along, but she'd sung the words, sung them loud enough for those around her to hear. All for him. She only sang for him…

"Sure…I thought up a little something over the years…" she hummed it, adding a few lilting notes that gave it a wonderfully beautiful sound. It was a melody she'd heard as a child, a funny rhyme that she remembered with a gasp, Gippal had taught her.

_All around _

_We see the rain_

_We hear the crash_

_We feel the pain_

_We greet the sun_

_When she comes at last_

_We push aside_

_The tearful past_

_All together_

_We agree_

_Somewhere we'll find_

_There's harmony_

Tobli nearly leaped to her height in his enthusiasm. The only light came from scattered torches people erected around their homes.

"That was truly terrific! Diabolically devious and Stupendously Splendid! You must perform perfectly for me…please?"

Rikku looked skeptical. "Well, it's no 1000 words, and it's not inspired by some troubled soul in my Songstress dress sphere, but I like it."

"I like it too."

Her heart leapt quickly back to her throat.

"Your voice is so beautiful…why didn't you sing with Yuna at my Homecoming?"

Tidus took her hands in his. Tobli was shunted aside, but the hyper fellow didn't really seem to mind.

"I guess…she's always been in the spotlight and…I just never thought I could ever match up to her. Singing, at least."

"hey, she can't sing a note without Lenne. You weren't even in your dress sphere! C'mon admit it, you've got talent!" he pushed her chin up playfully with his fist. She giggled.

"So…how is Yunie?"

Tidus' playful smile fell. "Fine. She'll be fine, Rikku, she took it a lot better then I thought she would."

Before she could decide not to, Rikku reached up and kissed him bravely on the cheek. Tidus enveloped her in a loving hug, keeping her cheek on his. She eventually broke the hold, but kept his hands in hers, waving them about for a time. Then she smiled sadly and let go of his hands, humming the song quietly to herself as she walked away.

And this time, Tidus followed her.

(_SQUEEEEEEE!!!!! yayayaya! I'm off to watch more amv's now! I might get FFX for x-mas or something, so maybe I'll understand the Tikku dynamic a bit better after I beat it. it's going cool huh? i always wondered why Rikku and Paine never got chances to sing with Yuna...booo!)_


	11. My December

_(A/N:song is My December by Linkin Park, beautiful song by the by.)_

_**This is my December…**_

_**This is my time of the year…**_

_**This is my December…**_

_**This is all so clear…**_

Rikku sat down with a harsh thump on Lulu's small porch step. Tidus sat next to her, albeit gentler.

"Sing again…please?"

She sighed. "It's late…I'll wake everybody up."

Tidus smirked. Aw c'mon. if you won't, I will, and I doubt you want that!"

Rikku put her fist under her chin and balanced her elbow on her knee. "I wouldn't mind!"

Tidus was a bit surprised, but before he could talk himself out of it, he was singing softly, an odd, yet familiar melody. A tune that resonated from his soft voice to her heart…her hand snaked it's way from beneath her chin into his, nimble fingers more used to stealing, now caressing the gentle curve of his knuckles, the worn pad of his palm…Everything these hands had seen…he sang still, watching her with love in his eyes, the way she seemed truly fascinated with his simple hand. Yuna had never been like that. And now…he was truly happy Rikku wasn't that reserved.

He hit the higher notes with ease, his voice crackling as he struggled to keep it low. Suddenly, Rikku looked up from his hands, smiling secretively, her one dimple showing in the light of the torches. She took his right hand and put it firmly against her chest, right over her heart. He stopped singing abruptly, surprised, but curious. Rikku had closed her eyes, and her breathing was even…calm…but her heart was racing so fast he could barely distinguish the beats. It scared him a little, maybe she was frightened of him? What they were doing? But then why would she seem so calm?

"Rikku…?"

The minute he broke the silence, she broke her hold on his hand. It dropped back into his lap, still warm from her smooth skin. She looked sad, nostalgic, and the worst of all…guilty.

She'd changed so much in the three years he'd been gone…Nothing like the flighty girl he'd left behind, waving emphatically as he dissolved into the dream he believed himself to be. And yet so much the same, outgoing and kindhearted…always wanting the best for everyone, and partial to having fun in the bargain…

_**And I**_

_**Just wish that I didn't feel that there was something I missed**_

_**And I**_

_**Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that…**_

"I know you meant what you told me on the beach…at the time…but…what's happened to us since then? Are you really so ready to give up Yunie?"

Tidus sighed, flexing his fingers, limp hand still in his lap. The warmth was dissipating into the chilly night air.

"She was never really mine to give up…I don't know what it was…but…our love was never what I'd hoped it would be…It isn't the sustainable kind, the kind that makes you feel like you could die and be happy just for knowing them…y'know? But I know now that…if given the chance, I can have that with you…"

_**Give it all away**_

_**Just to have somewhere to go to**_

_**Give it all away**_

_**To have someone to come home to…**_

"I want that so badly, you have no idea…" her voice was different, a voice he doubted he'd ever heard before, even when she'd been so frightened on the Thunder Plains nearly 3 and a half years ago now. Full of regret and longing…he knew how much she wanted it, just by her tone.

"Then take it."

The silence was deafening. His ears felt like they were being boiled. Thank god it was dark already…

Too deafening…Out of desperation he leaned forward, their cheeks touching, then he eased gently over, resting his lips on hers. He felt her hand reach up, caress his face as the kiss deepened.

_**This is my December…**_

_**This is all so clear!**_

Rikku broke the kiss abruptly, turning aside, her breath ragged, cheeks flushed.

"I…I should go I mean, it's almost midnight…" she twisted one of her braids nervously and stood up. Tidus followed suit.

"C'mon, it's not like you have anything to do tomorrow anyway! I'll find you…" his voice was so tempting…playful…

"No doubt you will…" and she risked one more quick kiss before pulling herself away and rushing inside with the key under the mat. He figured she'd done that on purpose, but had a feeling he shouldn't try it tonight.

_**Give it all away**_

_**Just to have someone to come to!**_

_**Give it all away**_

_**To have someone to come home to!**_

"hmm…." Lulu said to herself, quickly closing the curtain to her room after watching the whole scene play out below.

Her mind was already on Yuna…Rikku, she knew now, could take care of herself.

_(SQUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm sorry I just hadda. Love the song, love love the pairing WHEEEEE!!! First Tikku kiss yupyupyup…all my reviewers…all for you, all for you…no idea what to do now besides a Yuna update…any ideas?)_


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